So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
