i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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