I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
