but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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