he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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