Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
