i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Randomize
