That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
