You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
