So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
