Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
