Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
