Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
