i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize