so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
