I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
