ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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