I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
