shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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