god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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