You're completely useless in the revolution.
barbara walters just said penis...
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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