i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
