Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
