Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
