I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
