i wish peter jackson would direct porn
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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