haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
