Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
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