when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
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