Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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