she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
