wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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