New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
