I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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