Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
