My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
