Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
