i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
