That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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