I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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