be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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