oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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