Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
