You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
