he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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