omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
