How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
