Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
