i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
