Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
