I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
