i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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